Uses for towels, and why you should never be caught without one.
Back-story: I have been pondering, for some time now carrying a towel around with me at all times. This began when I saw how useful it was for Ford Prefect. So last night I carried one with me, and I don't suppose I'll ever go without one again. Here are some reasons why.
1. Drying off
2. Blocking the wind.
3. Drying things off.
4. Padding for ones ass.
5. Warding off Vogons.
6. Snot rag.
7. Celebrity arrest
8. Turban
9. Mopping Brow
10. Wiping ones ass
11. Wiping fingerprints from evidence.
12. Cleaning motor/bike chain grease from hands
13. A tourniquet
14. Bandaging wounds
15. Strangling your enemy
16. Smuggling heroine (somewhat ineffective, so use this one with caution)
17. Protecting Glass
18. Protection from breaking glass.
19. Instant bedding
20. Climbing tall trees.
21. Zip-lines
22. Chloroform
23. Filtering smoke
24. Gag
25. Blindfold
26. Molotov cocktail
27. Surrender flag (not recommended, use only if absolutely necessary)
28. Flagging cars, and trains
29. Punching through windows
30. Shining shoes
31. Making cheese
32. Making a torch
33. Breaking fevers
34. Ice packs
35. Sail for a small raft
36. Hobo bundle
37. Stamping out fires
38. Starting fires (sometimes involving dog poo)
39. Hammocks for small things
40. Fight off wild dogs
41. A net (specifically for catching lizards)
42. Magic tricks
43. Scarf
44. Given as a gift
45. Xbox Exchange (returned as a gift)
46. Scrolls, canvases, and signs
47. Smoke signals
48. Cape
49. Making a sack for doorknobs
50. Grabbing hot doorknobs
51. Blocking the sun/ other light
52. Pillow
53. Camouflage
54. Safety tether
55. Whipping "snapping" people
56. Preparing philo dough
57. Aging newsreels
58. Claiming land
59. Hiding your vomit
60. Ghost costume
61. Keeping water cool in extreme heat
62. Keeping radiation out of your brain
63. Celebrating victory
64. Backdrop for shadow puppet
65. Making puppets
66. Practicing your stabbins
67. Getting "stuff" off of your mouth
68. Vinaigrette/ nosegays
69. Extra leverage when delivering blows/throws
70. Facials
71. Blotting blood
72. Ripping out piercings
73. When adding emphasis to exclamation and expletives
74. Stopping small floods
75. Plugging holes in dams and ships
76. Hailing cabs
77. Strip clubs (many uses)
78. Defending yourself/ honor
79. Muffling gunshots
80. Footwear
81. Toga
82. Tripwire
83. Booby-traps in general
84. Escaping
85. Picnic blanket
86. Belt
87. Starting drag races
88. Hats for the hairless
89. Diaper
90. Feminine hygiene
91. Clogging drains/ starting floods
92. Building a tent/ lean to
93. Killing small animals
94. Saving lives
95. Painting
96. Keeping food away from bears
97. Gift-wrapping
98. Patchwork
99. Accessory to dance/ learning to dance
100. Covering the faces of the dead
101. Padding sharp corners
102. Dragging corpses
103. Can be used as legal tender
104. Creating dummies (to take your place in life)
105. Making Voodoo dolls
106. Disposing of disgusting things
107. Protecting your valuables from the elements
108. Pet toy
109. Cushioning whiskey bottles for transport on a bicycle. (I don't know why we didn't think of that one sooner.)
110. Keeping the crappy portable cd player from skipping on long car rides.
111. Changing light bulbs.
112. Bull-fighting. (Towel must be red.)
113. Distracting idiots and small children.
114. Disguising your voice while making threatening phone calls.
115. Wiping that smirk off your face!
116. Wearing it as a mask
117. Slingshot
118. Playing peek-a-boo
119. Bicycle seat cover
120. Stretching/yoga
121. Blocking projectiles
122. Bib
123. Protection from baby spit-up
124. Fanning an engine
125. Stopping leaks
126. Intimidating Conquestadors, Presidents and Emperors
127. Placing over mud/puddles in order for it to be suitable for ladies to walk.
128. Knee-pads
129. Stuffing the toe of large shoes, so they will fit you.
130. For washing oneself or other things
131. Polishing apples
132. Hiding ones nudity
(The data continues to pour in.)
133. Blanket for pet turtle.
134. Place under furniture to reduce friction while moving.
135. Place on mattress during copulation for easy clean-up.
136. Moisten, freeze, then use as sled for quick descent down mountain.
137. Eat for fiber content.
138. Impromptu Superhero Costume (Cape, Cowl, or Hood to taste) ((from Shea))
139. Mop. (Works especially well when wrapped around baby.)
140. Covering your head for Allah, maybe?
141. Hiding IED's
142. Putting feisty cats into pet carriers
143. Staunching pus!
144. Concealing ones rank while on the battlefield as to retain the honor of being a target.
145. Shading your eyes whilst tanning.
146. Pathways across pits of lava (rope/towel-bridge?)
147. Stealing flavor text
148. Gang colors.
149. Hiding your shame.
150. Papoose.
151. Retrieving stuck Hot Tamales from vending machines
152. Amusing oneself at the bus stop
153. Impressing jocks
154. Grappling hook
153. Snatching cigarettes from peoples mouths/hands
155. Wiping schmutz from sunglasses
156. Shielding oneself from American Idol.
157. Replacing the statue on the trapped altar ala Indian Jones
158. Make shift koozee
159. Washing hands and relaxing before sushi
160. Masking the stench when cleaning kitty litterbox
161. Polishing crotch as a dance/ threatening move.
162. Plugging your ears
163. Flossing one's brain
164. Catching babies hurled from burning buildings. (Without getting that baby smell on your hands.
165. Emergency sports bra/tying down one's bust to impersonate a man
166.Halter top.
167. Soaking the zombie blood/saliva out of a wound before you get corprus or something. (Would also work with animal venom...I guess...)
168. Making a map when lost in the woods/another dimension.
169. Leash for one's emergency food supply
* These are the uses found in a mere night (+ additions of comments); imagine the possibilities!
Please if you think of any more uses, post them as a comment on this blog; the whole world needs to know.
And remember folks; Never leave home without your towel!!
Flynn
Monday, April 27, 2009
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
My on going search for the meaning of 47
The forty-seventh element in the periodic table of elements is Silver or Ag. Here's a lovely little video about the element containing 47 protons. I am still searching for insight within the film, so let me know if you find anything profound, that I may have over looked.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Repost: Eve Ensler on sarah palin (lack of capitalization done purposefully)
courtesy of the Huffington Post...
I am having Sarah Palin nightmares. I dreamt last night that she was a member of a club where they rode snowmobiles and wore the claws of drowned and starved polar bears around their necks. I have a particular thing for Polar Bears. Maybe it's their snowy whiteness or their bigness or the fact that they live in the arctic or that I have never seen one in person or touched one. Maybe it is the fact that they live so comfortably on ice. Whatever it is, I need the polar bears.
I don't like raging at women. I am a Feminist and have spent my life trying to build community, help empower women and stop violence against them. It is hard to write about Sarah Palin. This is why the Sarah Palin choice was all the more insidious and cynical. The people who made this choice count on the goodness and solidarity of Feminists.
But everything Sarah Palin believes in and practices is antithetical to Feminism which for me is part of one story -- connected to saving the earth, ending racism, empowering women, giving young girls options, opening our minds, deepening tolerance, and ending violence and war.
I believe that the McCain/Palin ticket is one of the most dangerous choices of my lifetime, and should this country chose those candidates the fall-out may be so great, the destruction so vast in so many areas that America may never recover. But what is equally disturbing is the impact that duo would have on the rest of the world. Unfortunately, this is not a joke. In my lifetime I have seen the clownish, the inept, the bizarre be elected to the presidency with regularity.
Sarah Palin does not believe in evolution. I take this as a metaphor. In her world and the world of Fundamentalists nothing changes or gets better or evolves. She does not believe in global warming. The melting of the arctic, the storms that are destroying our cities, the pollution and rise of cancers, are all part of God's plan. She is fighting to take the polar bears off the endangered species list. The earth, in Palin's view, is here to be taken and plundered. The wolves and the bears are here to be shot and plundered. The oil is here to be taken and plundered. Iraq is here to be taken and plundered. As she said herself of the Iraqi war, "It was a task from God."
Sarah Palin does not believe in abortion. She does not believe women who are raped and incested and ripped open against their will should have a right to determine whether they have their rapist's baby or not.
She obviously does not believe in sex education or birth control. I imagine her daughter was practicing abstinence and we know how many babies that makes.
Sarah Palin does not much believe in thinking. From what I gather she has tried to ban books from the library, has a tendency to dispense with people who think independently. She cannot tolerate an environment of ambiguity and difference. This is a woman who could and might very well be the next president of the United States. She would govern one of the most diverse populations on the earth.
Sarah believes in guns. She has her own custom Austrian hunting rifle. She has been known to kill 40 caribou at a clip. She has shot hundreds of wolves from the air.
Sarah believes in God. That is of course her right, her private right. But when God and Guns come together in the public sector, when war is declared in God's name, when the rights of women are denied in his name, that is the end of separation of church and state and the undoing of everything America has ever tried to be.
I write to my sisters. I write because I believe we hold this election in our hands. This vote is a vote that will determine the future not just of the U.S., but of the planet. It will determine whether we create policies to save the earth or make it forever uninhabitable for humans. It will determine whether we move towards dialogue and diplomacy in the world or whether we escalate violence through invasion, undermining and attack. It will determine whether we go for oil, strip mining, coal burning or invest our money in alternatives that will free us from dependency and destruction. It will determine if money gets spent on education and healthcare or whether we build more and more methods of killing. It will determine whether America is a free open tolerant society or a closed place of fear, fundamentalism and aggression.
If the Polar Bears don't move you to go and do everything in your power to get Obama elected then consider the chant that filled the hall after Palin spoke at the RNC, "Drill Drill Drill." I think of teeth when I think of drills. I think of rape. I think of destruction. I think of domination. I think of military exercises that force mindless repetition, emptying the brain of analysis, doubt, ambiguity or dissent. I think of pain.
Do we want a future of drilling? More holes in the ozone, in the floor of the sea, more holes in our thinking, in the trust between nations and peoples, more holes in the fabric of this precious thing we call life?
I am having Sarah Palin nightmares. I dreamt last night that she was a member of a club where they rode snowmobiles and wore the claws of drowned and starved polar bears around their necks. I have a particular thing for Polar Bears. Maybe it's their snowy whiteness or their bigness or the fact that they live in the arctic or that I have never seen one in person or touched one. Maybe it is the fact that they live so comfortably on ice. Whatever it is, I need the polar bears.
I don't like raging at women. I am a Feminist and have spent my life trying to build community, help empower women and stop violence against them. It is hard to write about Sarah Palin. This is why the Sarah Palin choice was all the more insidious and cynical. The people who made this choice count on the goodness and solidarity of Feminists.
But everything Sarah Palin believes in and practices is antithetical to Feminism which for me is part of one story -- connected to saving the earth, ending racism, empowering women, giving young girls options, opening our minds, deepening tolerance, and ending violence and war.
I believe that the McCain/Palin ticket is one of the most dangerous choices of my lifetime, and should this country chose those candidates the fall-out may be so great, the destruction so vast in so many areas that America may never recover. But what is equally disturbing is the impact that duo would have on the rest of the world. Unfortunately, this is not a joke. In my lifetime I have seen the clownish, the inept, the bizarre be elected to the presidency with regularity.
Sarah Palin does not believe in evolution. I take this as a metaphor. In her world and the world of Fundamentalists nothing changes or gets better or evolves. She does not believe in global warming. The melting of the arctic, the storms that are destroying our cities, the pollution and rise of cancers, are all part of God's plan. She is fighting to take the polar bears off the endangered species list. The earth, in Palin's view, is here to be taken and plundered. The wolves and the bears are here to be shot and plundered. The oil is here to be taken and plundered. Iraq is here to be taken and plundered. As she said herself of the Iraqi war, "It was a task from God."
Sarah Palin does not believe in abortion. She does not believe women who are raped and incested and ripped open against their will should have a right to determine whether they have their rapist's baby or not.
She obviously does not believe in sex education or birth control. I imagine her daughter was practicing abstinence and we know how many babies that makes.
Sarah Palin does not much believe in thinking. From what I gather she has tried to ban books from the library, has a tendency to dispense with people who think independently. She cannot tolerate an environment of ambiguity and difference. This is a woman who could and might very well be the next president of the United States. She would govern one of the most diverse populations on the earth.
Sarah believes in guns. She has her own custom Austrian hunting rifle. She has been known to kill 40 caribou at a clip. She has shot hundreds of wolves from the air.
Sarah believes in God. That is of course her right, her private right. But when God and Guns come together in the public sector, when war is declared in God's name, when the rights of women are denied in his name, that is the end of separation of church and state and the undoing of everything America has ever tried to be.
I write to my sisters. I write because I believe we hold this election in our hands. This vote is a vote that will determine the future not just of the U.S., but of the planet. It will determine whether we create policies to save the earth or make it forever uninhabitable for humans. It will determine whether we move towards dialogue and diplomacy in the world or whether we escalate violence through invasion, undermining and attack. It will determine whether we go for oil, strip mining, coal burning or invest our money in alternatives that will free us from dependency and destruction. It will determine if money gets spent on education and healthcare or whether we build more and more methods of killing. It will determine whether America is a free open tolerant society or a closed place of fear, fundamentalism and aggression.
If the Polar Bears don't move you to go and do everything in your power to get Obama elected then consider the chant that filled the hall after Palin spoke at the RNC, "Drill Drill Drill." I think of teeth when I think of drills. I think of rape. I think of destruction. I think of domination. I think of military exercises that force mindless repetition, emptying the brain of analysis, doubt, ambiguity or dissent. I think of pain.
Do we want a future of drilling? More holes in the ozone, in the floor of the sea, more holes in our thinking, in the trust between nations and peoples, more holes in the fabric of this precious thing we call life?
San Diego or Bust
I'll be heading to San Diego this here weekend, as a last excursion before classes start. i'll be taking in some of the sites, including the San Diego zoo. However, I am even more excited about the museums. I have been frequently complaining about the lack of sufficient adult museums in Portland. It seems all of the museums in this city are directed at a child audience. So as a result I am seeking out museums in other cities to satiate my museum craving. I will going to at least The Museum of Art, The Museum of Man (the anthropology museum), and the Natural History Museum... and I am quite excited about it.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
The Meaning of "Sphenoid Strut"
This is the Spheniod.
This is my favorite bone in the skull, and in the body. This little cicada impersonator, articulates with every other major bone in the skull, and serves as a buttress or a strut if you will, for the brain. Hence, I thought it would be fitting if this blog which will hold all of my ideas externally, should mimic the bone that supports all of my ideas internally.
This is my favorite bone in the skull, and in the body. This little cicada impersonator, articulates with every other major bone in the skull, and serves as a buttress or a strut if you will, for the brain. Hence, I thought it would be fitting if this blog which will hold all of my ideas externally, should mimic the bone that supports all of my ideas internally.
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