uses for towels

Uses for towels, and why you should never be caught without one.
Back-story: I have been pondering, for some time now carrying a towel around with me at all times. This began when I saw how useful it was for Ford Prefect. So last night I carried one with me, and I don't suppose I'll ever go without one again. Here are some reasons why.

1. Drying off

2. Blocking the wind.

3. Drying things off.

4. Padding for ones ass.

5. Warding off Vogons.

6. Snot rag.

7. Celebrity arrest

8. Turban

9. Mopping Brow

10. Wiping ones ass

11. Wiping fingerprints from evidence.

12. Cleaning motor/bike chain grease from hands

13. A tourniquet

14. Bandaging wounds

15. Strangling your enemy

16. Smuggling heroine (somewhat ineffective, so use this one with caution)

17. Protecting Glass

18. Protection from breaking glass.

19. Instant bedding

20. Climbing tall trees.

21. Zip-lines

22. Chloroform

23. Filtering smoke

24. Gag

25. Blindfold

26. Molotov cocktail

27. Surrender flag (not recommended, use only if absolutely necessary)

28. Flagging cars, and trains

29. Punching through windows

30. Shining shoes

31. Making cheese

32. Making a torch

33. Breaking fevers

34. Ice packs

35. Sail for a small raft

36. Hobo bundle

37. Stamping out fires

38. Starting fires (sometimes involving dog poo)

39. Hammocks for small things

40. Fight off wild dogs

41. A net (specifically for catching lizards)

42. Magic tricks

43. Scarf

44. Given as a gift

45. Xbox Exchange (returned as a gift)

46. Scrolls, canvases, and signs

47. Smoke signals

48. Cape

49. Making a sack for doorknobs

50. Grabbing hot doorknobs

51. Blocking the sun/ other light

52. Pillow

53. Camouflage

54. Safety tether

55. Whipping "snapping" people

56. Preparing philo dough

57. Aging newsreels

58. Claiming land

59. Hiding your vomit

60. Ghost costume

61. Keeping water cool in extreme heat

62. Keeping radiation out of your brain

63. Celebrating victory

64. Backdrop for shadow puppet

65. Making puppets

66. Practicing your stabbins

67. Getting "stuff" off of your mouth

68. Vinaigrette/ nosegays

69. Extra leverage when delivering blows/throws

70. Facials

71. Blotting blood

72. Ripping out piercings

73. When adding emphasis to exclamation and expletives

74. Stopping small floods

75. Plugging holes in dams and ships

76. Hailing cabs

77. Strip clubs (many uses)

78. Defending yourself/ honor

79. Muffling gunshots

80. Footwear

81. Toga

82. Tripwire

83. Booby-traps in general

84. Escaping

85. Picnic blanket

86. Belt

87. Starting drag races

88. Hats for the hairless

89. Diaper

90. Feminine hygiene

91. Clogging drains/ starting floods

92. Building a tent/ lean to

93. Killing small animals

94. Saving lives

95. Painting

96. Keeping food away from bears

97. Gift-wrapping

98. Patchwork

99. Accessory to dance/ learning to dance

100. Covering the faces of the dead

101. Padding sharp corners

102. Dragging corpses

103. Can be used as legal tender

104. Creating dummies (to take your place in life)

105. Making Voodoo dolls

106. Disposing of disgusting things

107. Protecting your valuables from the elements

108. Pet toy

109. Cushioning whiskey bottles for transport on a bicycle. (I don't know why we didn't think of that one sooner.)

110. Keeping the crappy portable cd player from skipping on long car rides.

111. Changing light bulbs.

112. Bull-fighting. (Towel must be red.)

113. Distracting idiots and small children.

114. Disguising your voice while making threatening phone calls.

115. Wiping that smirk off your face!

116. Wearing it as a mask

117. Slingshot

118. Playing peek-a-boo

119. Bicycle seat cover

120. Stretching/yoga

121. Blocking projectiles

122. Bib

123. Protection from baby spit-up

124. Fanning an engine

125. Stopping leaks

126. Intimidating Conquestadors, Presidents and Emperors

127. Placing over mud/puddles in order for it to be suitable for ladies to walk.

128. Knee-pads

129. Stuffing the toe of large shoes, so they will fit you.

130. For washing oneself or other things

131. Polishing apples

132. Hiding ones nudity

(The data continues to pour in.)
133. Blanket for pet turtle.

134. Place under furniture to reduce friction while moving.

135. Place on mattress during copulation for easy clean-up.

136. Moisten, freeze, then use as sled for quick descent down mountain.

137. Eat for fiber content.

138. Impromptu Superhero Costume (Cape, Cowl, or Hood to taste) ((from Shea))

139. Mop. (Works especially well when wrapped around baby.)

140. Covering your head for Allah, maybe?

141. Hiding IED's

142. Putting feisty cats into pet carriers

143. Staunching pus!

144. Concealing ones rank while on the battlefield as to retain the honor of being a target.

145. Shading your eyes whilst tanning.

146. Pathways across pits of lava (rope/towel-bridge?)

147. Stealing flavor text

148. Gang colors.

149. Hiding your shame.

150. Papoose.

151. Retrieving stuck Hot Tamales from vending machines

152. Amusing oneself at the bus stop

153. Impressing jocks

154. Grappling hook

153. Snatching cigarettes from peoples mouths/hands

155. Wiping schmutz from sunglasses

156. Shielding oneself from American Idol.

157. Replacing the statue on the trapped altar ala Indian Jones

158. Make shift koozee

159. Washing hands and relaxing before sushi

160. Masking the stench when cleaning kitty litterbox

161. Polishing crotch as a dance/ threatening move.

162. Plugging your ears

163. Flossing one's brain

164. Catching babies hurled from burning buildings. (Without getting that baby smell on your hands.

165. Emergency sports bra/tying down one's bust to impersonate a man

166.Halter top.

167. Soaking the zombie blood/saliva out of a wound before you get corprus or something. (Would also work with animal venom...I guess...)

168. Making a map when lost in the woods/another dimension.

169. Leash for one's emergency food supply

* These are the uses found in a mere night (+ additions of comments); imagine the possibilities!
Please if you think of any more uses, post them as a comment on this blog; the whole world needs to know.

And remember folks; Never leave home without your towel!!

Flynn